"Before You Say: I Do"

Dear Friends in Christ,         

   I think we’re all well aware of the fact that life is full of choices.  Just think of the choices you’ve already made today: whether you were going to get up when the alarm went off or hit the snooze button; what you were going to eat for breakfast; what you were going to wear to church; what time you would leave; where you would sit.  Of course, for some of you where you sit involves no choice at all because you sit in the same spot every Sunday and woe to that person who dares to occupy it before you!

   Well, without a doubt, one of the biggest choices we make in life has to do with whom we want to marry.  Who is that one special person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life?  How you arrive at that decision is determined in a large part by your worldview.  And in case you don’t understand what a worldview is, it is that filter through which we run all of our decisions and choices as we process them.  So if you hold to a purely secular worldview which leaves God out of the picture, then your choice of a mate might be based upon rather selfish motives, like, what is this person going to do for me?  How is this person going to make me look?  But if you hold to a biblical worldview, then you’re going to be asking questions like: What does this person believe about God?  Will this person enhance or detract from my relationship with Christ?  In other words, when you are on the prowl looking for a future mate, if you hold to a biblical worldview you will be searching ever so diligently for God’s choice for you.

   And don’t you think that would be a wise thing to do?  Since he is the one who originally came up with the idea of marriage, then don’t you think he might have some idea as to who our lifelong partner should be?  I think so, and that’s why we’re going to spend some time this morning talking about this subject under the theme “Before You Say: I Do.”  If you’re single, boy, are you in the right place today.  And if you’re not single, this is no time to tune me out.  It’s no excuse for you to snooze.  I believe you’re still in the right place because someday somebody is going to ask you for advice in this area.  Might be one of your children or grandchildren, a neighbor kid, a teenager in our church.  And the best thing you can say when they come to you for advice is “Oh, my advice doesn’t matter, but God’s does, and here’s what he has to say.”

   And the first thing God has to say to those who are looking for a future mate is this: share a common faith.  In 2 Cor. 6:14 the Apostle Paul says: “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers.  How can goodness be a partner with wickedness?  How can light live with darkness?”  Unfortunately, the world doesn’t consider spiritual convictions to be a very important component to a healthy and happy marriage.  Most people would tell you if there’s a romantic connection there, if it feels right, it doesn’t matter whether she’s Jewish and he’s Christian or she’s Catholic and he’s Protestant.  That can all be worked out later.

   But I’m sorry, my friends.  I disagree with that.  I think it does matter.  And I say that knowing that we have some exceptions right here in our own congregation.  And if you’re among them, please understand that I’m not being critical of you.  In fact, if anything, I’m applauding and commending you for some of you have done a marvelous job of working through those differences, though I’m sure you would probably be the first to admit that it wasn’t always easy, that those religious differences were a huge obstacle that you needed to deal with and overcome.  And that’s why I’m saying that if you’re not married yet and you’re in the process of looking for a future mate, why take the risk?  Why add one more challenge to the multitude of other challenges that go along with being married these days?

   In the Old Testament story of Abraham, we find this faithful man of God beginning his search for the woman who would become a wife to his son Isaac.  Listen to what he tells his servant: “I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."  Abraham knew the significance of sharing a common faith and since there were no women among the Canaanites who shared the same faith as Isaac, Abraham sent his servant back to his homeland where he knew there were women like that.

   Think of it this way.  When Marilyn and I get into the car to go on a vacation together, there are certain things we can disagree on.  We might disagree on the temperature of the car, which we often times do; what we’re going to listen to on the radio, where we’re going to stop to eat.  But there’s one thing we absolutely and unequivocally cannot disagree on and that is our ultimate destination.  If she’s wanting to go to the mountains in Colorado to do some hiking and I’m wanting to go to the beach in Florida to do some relaxing, we’re going to have issues, aren’t we?  Likewise, if you marry someone whose goal is anything but God and your goal is to know and honor and serve God, you’re going to have issues sooner or later. 

   Look at it this way.  I’m going to put an inverted triangle up on the screen.  At the bottom of the triangle is husband and wife.  The two top corners represent two possible goals in life.  Let’s say the wife’s goal is God and for the sake of this illustration, let’s say that the husband’s goal is camping on weekends.  Now what’s going to happen as these two people pursue their individual goals?  They’re going to drift further and further apart until one or both of them come to me or some other counselor and they say something like this: “We just don’t have anything in common anymore.”

   But what if we flip that triangle and in this case allow the 2 lower corners to represent husband and wife and the top to represent the common goal of knowing and honoring God.  What happens as the two pursue that goal?  They draw closer and closer to one another, don’t they?

   So don’t you think it makes sense to share a common faith with the person you’re dating since that person could quite possibly become your future spouse?  Now I can just hear the objections popping up in some of your minds.  “But he’s so cute and I’m so attracted to him.  And we have such a good time together.”  You know what often happens in those situations?  The Christian’s idea of a good time and the non-Christian’s idea of a good time are not always going to jive with one another and something has to give sooner or later.  And unfortunately it’s the Christian who so often caves in to their moral convictions.  Here’s another objection: “But Pastor, I’m tired of being alone.  I want to get married so badly I can taste it.”  Listen, don’t marry the idea of marriage.  In other words, don’t get married for the sake of being married because few things in life are more miserable than finding yourself trapped in a bad marriage. How about one more objection:  “But Pastor, have you seen the options?  I mean, if I marry a Christian, I’m kind of limiting myself, aren’t I?”  Well, to that I would say what David says in Ps. 37:4: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  For some of you waiting for God to bring the right person your way just might be the biggest step of faith you take in your entire life.  So understand, the longer you date an unbeliever, the longer you postpone the opportunity for God to bring his choice, his best your way.  Like somebody once said, “If you are a child of God and you marry a child of the devil, you’re going to have trouble with your father-in-law.”  So marry someone who loves God just as much if not more than you do.

   Then secondly, cherish physical purity.  Consider a few statistics.  Last week I shared with you that 45-50% of all first-time marriages performed in our country today end in divorce.  But did you know that the divorce rate between two people who marry as virgins is 2%?  In fact, one source I came across on the Internet made the argument that statistically it is 0% and they had a lot of research to back it up.  And did you also know that the divorce rate for couples who live together before they get married and who thus violate God’s idea of physical purity is anywhere from 50 to 100% higher than for couples who don’t live together first?  So if you want to heighten the odds of having a happy, fulfilling, successful marriage, then do it God’s way.  Regard sex as he intended, as his wedding gift to a couple that is only to be opened after the wedding.

   Now I realize that I’m sounding very old-fashioned right now because society has a much different view of sex.  It sees sex as nothing more than a harmless recreational activity.  It wants you to believe that sex outside of marriage is just as harmless as playing a round of golf or a game of basketball.  But listen, my friends, what society conveniently forgets to tell you about is the 25 or more sexually transmitted diseases that you expose yourself to when you play fast and loose with sex, a third of which physicians say could stay with you the rest of your life.  Society doesn’t tell you that when you have sex with one person, you are in essence having sex with every person that he or she has had sex with and therefore you are exposing yourself to all the diseases that all that person’s previous sexual partners have had.  Society doesn’t tell you that when you have sex outside of marriage you are opening yourself up to an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy along with the possibility of having future career plans ruined and even the possibility of death as lots of people have actually died from some of those sexually transmitted diseases.  Now I know what some of you are thinking: “You’re just trying to scare me, Pastor Meyer.”  You bet I am so that the next time a guy or gal puts a move on you and tries to get you to do something that you know God would not want you to do, you look at that person and think to yourself, “Is it really worth it?  Is he or she worth risking my future ability to have children?  Is he or she worth risking my health and maybe even my life for?” 

   So what does God have to say about all this?  Last week in my sermon I said that in this sermon series we were going back to the Owner’s manual which is the Bible to see what the originator and designed of marriage and family has to say.  So what does he have to say about this area?  Well, he has a lot to say.  Listen to what the Apostle Paul tells us in I Cor. 6:18-20: “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.  Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”

   Please note that last part because there are no doubt some people here today who have messed up, who have treated sex as a recreational activity, who might even be suffering some physical or emotional consequences as a result.  If so, you need to know that the spiritual consequences of your sin can be removed, for like that passage says, God paid a high price for you.  That price consisted of the life of his only Son Jesus Christ.  And because of that, we’re told in I John 1:9 that if we confess our sins (and that includes even our sexual sins), God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us of all unrighteousness.  Some of us need some purifying, don’t we, and that’s the only way to get it.  To take your sin to the cross, to lay it down at the nail-pierced feet of Jesus, and leave it there, and with God’s help, resolve to not engage in that sinful activity anymore.

   As I draw this sermon to a close, I want to throw out one more suggestion for those of you who are single.  And that suggestion is, don’t rush it.  The choosing of a lifelong mate is so important that it deserves all the time, thought, and prayer you can give to it.  I’ve heard many Christian counselors say, “Give it at least a year of courtship.”  And that makes sense because during that year you go through all 4 seasons and all the holidays, and you know how our moods shift and change during those different times of the year.

   So share a common faith, cherish physical purity, and don’t rush into it.  Not a bad blueprint for those of you who are contemplating this decision of a lifetime.

 Amen